Ironically, the most romantic and important step you take as a couple — your wedding — can also put your relationship to the test. Many couples will be so stressed out and pressured by the demands of planning the ceremony and reception that they’ll either a) fight or b) have no time to be alone together.
First of all, it’s normal, especially as the date of the wedding approaches. You’re a little worn thin from all the planning, getting anxious about the major life changes that lie ahead, and are possibly having to deal with family members getting involved, and quite honestly, getting annoying.
So here are some ways to keep your cool, relieve your wedding stress, and even revive those flames of passion that moved you to get engaged in the first place…
1. At least two hours a week, have a conversation or date that doesn’t revolve around the wedding. Watch a movie, play a sport, go to a flea market…anything that will take both your minds off the Big Day. The first person who slips and mentions the wedding has to pay for the date. (Or you can think of a naughtier punishment, wink wink.)
2. Conversely, spend at least an hour a week planning the wedding together. Tally the expenses, compare it against the budget, go through your wedding worksheets to find out what you still need to do. While there’s usually one person who takes the lead in the wedding plans (usually the bride), you still need to keep each other in the loop. This lets you take into account his preferences, and also avoids any resentment that may build because he isn’t “sharing” the responsibility.
3. If you are annoyed with one of his friends or family members, tell him how you feel, but let him deal with it. (Same thing applies if he’s annoyed at yours.) And if he doesn’t want to deal with it, get angry at him, not his crazy aunt/mother/best friend. It is not yet your place to confront these people, and even if it were, they’d be more likely to listen to him than to you.
4. While you should be honest with each other whenever you’re angry or upset, never turn your grievances into a war of “my family vs your family”. Keep discussions focused on the specific, concrete problem at hand. For example, if his mother’s driving you nuts because of the way she keeps adding to the guest list, don’t start a fight about how she has no respect for your needs, or your right to invite only the people you like. Instead, take it as is — a need to control the size, and costs, of the reception — and leave the emotions at the door.
5. Watch your stress levels. When you notice that you’re getting crankier and moodier, or you’re having trouble sleeping at night, it’s a sign that you need to relax. Sign up for one of those bridal facials and spa treatments: they’ll relax you, take your mind off things, while simultaneously preparing you for the Big Day.
Remember, the idea here is to enjoy your big day, and the planning that goes into it, so take a deep breath, get yourself organized, and you’ll soon find that everything will fit into place 🙂
Ian - florists in Newbury says
I agree, there is so much pressure around your big day sometimes it can actually ruin it through stress. Although its probably a bit cliché from my experience laid back brides seem to be the happiest. Even though sometimes they don’t get everything in their dream wedding perfect they still have a massive smile on their faces.
Lesley-Ann Graham says
Thanks Ian! Yep, stress doesn’t do anyone any good, least of all the bride 🙂
GREAT advice! I think its a better wedding when you don’t stress and keep it basic, than an elaborate, over-the-top wedding where everyone hates each other by the end of it. At the end of the day family/relationships are more important than the “perfect” big wedding day. My advice, keep it simple and remember whats important!
I agree that keeping your budget under wraps is important. Money can cause so much undue pressure! I found these free planning tools that includes a budget tool to be great while planning, check them out http://www.whitemagazine.com.au/myplan
Lesley-Ann Graham says
Thanks for sharing Luke. Great advice and your wedding planning tools look great!
WB Wedding Flowers says
Great points! I recommend taking a sip of wine (easy does it though)…helps me calm my nerves.