Writing about Brides freaking-out might seem taboo, but to a wedding planner who cares about you I feel that it might be important to talk about. Why I am inspired to write this post? Well, first, here at La Ruche we are in the midst of prepping to be filmed for the television show, Bridezilla, with clients Kathryn and Keith.
Secondly, right now in Arizona we are in the midst of "wedding season". The big bridal show just happened, many of the newly engaged women are hunting for the best deals, and at La Ruche we are walking many couples through the final stages of wedding day preparation.
With this said, I DO think that it is natural and many times very gratifying to freak-out. Okay…maybe not freak-out per se, but to at the very least put your foot down and stand-up for yourself. Below is a quick mini-guide on to how to freak out when you need to freak out, and when to know if you’re freaking-out about the right thing.
DO freak-out on someone or some vendor if or when:
- Your vendor increases your pricing from the contracted rate . A deal is a deal, so gently remind them of their obligation. HINT: Do NOT use the word "legal" or "legally" when talking to a vendor as this type of serious banter can create huge problems later-0n.
- Your Maid or Matron of Honor (M.O.H.) or Bridesmaid complains about her dress. Remind her that you do like the dress and that you hope that she can support you. Let her know that her complaining does not help, it just creates friction. If you are related to your M.O.H. or Bridesmaid ask them to be positive on your behalf. If your M.O.H. or Bridesmaid is complaining about the cost of the dress, do some fact-finding to see what they believe a reasonable amount to pay for the dress is. If finances is a real concern for them, consider offering to pay the difference of what they cannot.
- Your fiance is absent during the planning process. Although many brides will agree that the complexity and details of the wedding may be more for the bride and less for the groom, that does not mean that it is appropriate for your fiancee to bow-out when planning discussions begin. I often tell engaged couples at wedding consultations that if one of you seems disinterested in the process it is likely because there are terms and timelines that aren’t being properly explained, explored, or understood. If you have an ongoing issue with your fiancee being involved, perhaps it is time to take a step back – without precondition – and find out what the real issue may be. There is no sense in getting married if you are dragging your fiancee to the alter.
- Your financial backers create specific conditions with their financial support. It may not be worth the sadness and heartache caused to you (and your wedding planner!) to plan a wedding that will soon be resented because of conditions that some families place on their financial support of a couple. If you know that you will be planning a wedding for others and not based upon your and your fiancee’s desires, consider eloping. Not kidding. (You would NOT be surprised at the devastation and chaos that this type of conditional financial support creates.)
DO NOT freak out on someone or some vendor if or when:
- You are on your period. This probably goes without saying (because you likely know yourself well by now), but trust me…waiting until the menstrual cycle crazies are over will 100% for sure calm you down. If you feel yourself about to call "so-and-so" to give them a good tongue lashing, instead simply write down the issues that you have with "so-and-so" and follow-up on the issue in a few days. If the issue cannot wait, ask your fiancee or your best friend to hear you out and determine the best course of action.
- You feel stress. Many times the endless knit-picking – especially to your fiancee – can send the wrong message. Instead of conveying that you are very happy to be getting married but that you are just stressed about "such-and-such", when you knit-pick and are generally morose or negative it sends EVERYONE the message that you wish you were not having to go through this experience. Instead of complaining out loud, consider practicing discipline and write a letter instead. The letter can be written to yourself – simply to complain – but after it is written you may actually feel better having expelled some of your negative energy. Even better, consider burning the letter after you write it and starting a list of the things that need to happen in order for your issues or worries to be resolved.
- You don’t have enough money. This is tricky because nearly everyone I know wants finances to be private, but when the money is tight or simply isn’t available, complaining about your financial situation to whomever happens to be listening sometimes accidentally happens. Instead of allowing outsiders into your very personal financial situation, consider taking an honest "from-the-top-down" approach to the most expensive items on your wedding list. You may find that you really don’t need the personalized water bottles, bubbles, or specialty linens after all.
I am soooooooooooooo not a relationship expert; I am an event planner. I am certainly not condoning calling-off weddings, Bridezilla moments or creating lasting family problems. I simply wanted to put into plain terms some of the real issues that may arrise and what to do about them when they happen.
Alisha Forrester Scott, Owner
La Ruche. event design studio.
Alisha can be reached by e-mail at [email protected]