Lots of brides are on budgets, I’d venture to say most, and many have budgets that are somewhat “small” (which, true, is a relative term). That being said, the temptation of hiring family or friends for wedding-related services and products can be a slippery slope when trying to navigate through etiquette, feelings, and everyone’s opinions.
So, before you ask anyone you know personally that can arrange flowers, make cakes, or sew dresses to help you out or give you discounts, read on for a few tips.
Know what you’re getting yourself into. Just because you have known someone for years and have always had a great relationship with her doesn’t mean that she is up for setting her life aside to do something for you (although, it may be the case). If she is willing, though, make sure you know exactly how things will happen. Is she (or he) reliable? Does she do good work and work that you like? Does she have a style similar to yours? Does she really care about the things she creates or will she just throw something together for you? And most of all, know exactly what she expects from you in return. It might be something as simple as a thank you note. Or, if she makes cakes for a living, she might like some professional photographs to put into her portfolio. You’ll never know unless you ask, so make sure you work it out in advance.
Take it seriously and make sure she does, too. While you might not care if your cake is not exactly how you pictured it or the wording on your invitations is just a little different than what you had expected, you should treat your agreement with any friend or relative you “hire” like any other vendor you hire. Have a written letter of agreement and outline all of the specifics. And perhaps more importantly, make sure she takes her job seriously as well. If her service to you is also her career, she probably will, as she wants you to be another happy customer!
Be thankful (don’t take anything for granted). Realize how much time your helper is putting into whatever favor you’re asking of her. You might ask her to make a simple veil for you, but your idea of simple might actually take a good number of hours. And on top of that, if something does take a lot of work or time, she is giving up doing something else (like working or her own hobbies) to complete the project for you. So, when you get the final product, don’t forget to say thanks and really mean it!
Expect things to go wrong or not to plan, and manage to not get too upset. This is good to keep in mind for your entire wedding planning process and wedding day. Humans are humans! We all make mistakes. And yes, while your wedding might be the happiest day of your life up until this point, for all of your vendors, it’s just another day at work. For your friends and family, of course, they are more connected to you than most of your other vendors and are probably more happy about the day’s events. But, that being said, any friend or family member you ask to help you out will probably be less focused on providing the perfect product or service and more on seeing you blissfully happy which believe it or not, can cause more problems than you’d think. So, prepare yourself for little hiccups and don’t let them “ruin” you day. After all, as long as you’re married at the end of the evening, the event was a success, right?
Tangibles talk – say thanks with real “oomph”. While you may not honestly be able to afford a monetary gift or your helper may simply refuse one, that doesn’t mean you can’t say thanks and really mean it! Perhaps sending some flowers or a basket of goodies would do the trick. Above all else, make sure you include a very well written and meaningful thank you note. Nice stationary, neat hand writing, and mention of specific tasks your helper did for you along with a few lines of how truly grateful you are should work nicely!
Be weary of those that volunteer and give them realistic expectations. If someone volunteers their services or offers to provide something for you, make sure you know exactly what she’s up for. Perhaps she just wants to sew you a ring pillow – not all of your bridesmaid’s dresses. Know what she’s willing to do and don’t try to push her into doing more than she volunteered for.
Have an exit strategy if something goes wrong. As mentioned before, things will go wrong! It’s inevitable. So, if your grade school friend who volunteered to do your hair for the big day (she was always so great at slumber parties!) does a horrible job during the test run and you can’t stomach seeing what she might turn your hair into for you wedding day, make sure you have a way out. Perhaps a note like this: “Thank you so much for doing a test run on my hair! I think, though, that I might just go to the salon instead. That way you don’t have to invest in any tools you don’t need to make my hair look like the pictures I had. And, you don’t have to deal with my crazy nerves and super picky taste! I really appreciate your offer!” And don’t forget, don’t set things like this in stone unless you are absolutely positive that she can provide you with what you want. Save yourself from hurting feelings if you can!
All in all, asking a family member or close friend to do something for you regarding your wedding isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just know exactly what you’re getting yourself into!
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
This is great sound advice. Love your blog!
Kaz
I daresay that people who offer wedding services as a their source of income should also be wary of working with friends and family. Friends and family always want big weddings and big discounts.